Saturday, April 13, 2013

Half A Century

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. Tom Wilson. 

I turned 50 today. It's hard to believe I have been on this planet for half a century, and, that the bulk of my life (I don't think I'll live to 100, hell, I'm not even sure I want to live to that long) is over. Age is supposed to confer wisdom, but, truthfully the angst of youth never feels far away. 

With each passing year, some degree of acceptance comes, yet, like most of us, if we are truly honest, I still feel the need to prove myself, to compare favorably with others, to simply “be someone.” In many ways I have the same goals I had ten years ago, to climb harder grades, to lift more weight, to run faster. I still work towards these goals moving one step forward, two steps back, never seeming to get that much closer, yet never willing to give up. 

Sometimes I wonder if at 70 or 80 I will still be trying to push my climbing up one grade, or add another 5 kilograms to my deadlift. If I am, will that be a good thing or a bad thing? Should one accept declining ability gracefully with age, or is it better to go “not gently into that good night?”

Doug, paddling on the Woronora River today

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